Finding self-control is a struggle for many of us. Here are some ways to combat impulsive decision-making. … [+]
Self-control can feel like an uphill battle. It’s realistic to work toward aligning yourself with your long-term goals in the moments when you give in to temptation, like resisting the urge to eat another slice of cake when you’re uncomfortably full or resisting the urge to send a quick text. For example, you might pick up your phone first thing in the morning, even though you know it will disrupt your focus for the day.
That’s why willpower alone isn’t enough to control your impulses. If it were, you’d already be doing a good job. It’s about focusing on your “why” – the values ​​you want to honor – and being patient and compassionate with yourself in the process. You can’t make yourself submit, but you can slowly mold yourself with love.
Research published in the journal 2024 Current Opinion in Psychology They suggest that what distinguishes self-controlled individuals is their ability to utilize three types of strategies.
Research shows that the top three strategies for strengthening self-control are:
1. Situational Strategy
Situational strategies involve choosing or modifying your environment to increase your self-control. Instead of relying solely on your inner resistance, you can change your environment to make it less tempting or easier to make healthier choices.
Imagine Sarah, who wants to spend her time more productively while working from home. She finds that working near the TV in her living room often leads to distractions. What starts as a single episode of a show soon turns into binging, and she finds herself frustrated by the lack of progress.
To combat this, Sarah created a dedicated work space in a quiet room, away from the TV and other distractions. The change of environment reduces the temptation to watch TV and helps her stay focused and productive.
With this approach, self-control changes from constantly fighting your urges to designing your environment to work in your favor.
2. Attention strategies
Attention strategies involve shifting your focus from short-term temptations to long-term goals. When you focus on deeper desires, like maintaining your health or financial security, the temptation of momentary pleasures naturally weakens.
For example, Sarah, who also wants to focus on personal growth, feels the urge to relax in front of the TV after work, even though she knows she would rather use that time to read or work on a passion project.
An attention-boosting strategy Sarah can use is to create a reading nook in her living room that’s more visually appealing than the TV. When she enters the room, her attention is immediately drawn to the comfortable chair and stacks of books, reminding her of her long-term goals. This shift in focus allows Sarah to choose activities that align with her values, rather than relying on the short-term comfort of watching TV.
Research published in 2022 Journal of Personality Research Found “Ego alignment” is associated with greater levels of self-control and happiness. Ego alignment refers to the ability to follow what you “should” do in a situation, rather than what you want to do based on your impulses.
“People with higher levels of ego harmony tend to live better, less conflicted lives. Everyone has within themselves a source of effective self-direction. Before taking action, we need to think about both what actions might be effective in the situation and what courses of action might cause problems,” says Michael Robinson, a psychologist at North Dakota State University and co-author of the study.
So mindfulness strategies don’t just distract you from temptations, they also serve as positive reminders of the life you’re trying to build, making it easier to take actions that support that vision.
3. Evaluation Strategy
Appraisal strategies involve changing how you interpret a tempting situation. For example, Sarah can reframe her situation by thinking, “I’m the type of person who values ​​my time” or “If I focus on getting my work done, I’ll feel really accomplished and relaxed, rather than stressing about not getting it done.” These identity-based thoughts help her see other activities as more valuable in the long run, making it easier for her to resist the temptation to watch TV.
Appraisal strategies also include “episodic future thinking,” in which you visualize the future benefits of your actions. Imagining how you’ll feel later — the pride of making a healthy choice or the relief of avoiding a bad one — can increase the appeal of sticking with your long-term goal. This mental shift not only increases your self-control, but it also strengthens your sense of identity as someone who prioritizes your own well-being.
When appraisal strategies aren’t enough, many people turn to willpower – the effort required to suppress a behavior they want to do, such as forcing themselves to exercise even when they don’t feel like it.
“Willpower is fallible, difficult, and uncomfortable; it should be viewed as something of a ‘last resort’ for regulating self-control,” the researchers of the 2024 study suggest.
Imagine Sarah again. She might use willpower to resist the urge to turn on the TV and force herself to stay at her desk. But this can be exhausting and isn’t a sustainable way to maintain self-control in the long term. Instead, by regularly practicing the other three strategies, Sarah can make self-control more natural and less taxing.
Remember, a lack of self-control doesn’t make you weak. Fighting urges is a human experience, not a personal failing. Self-control never means scarcity. Self-control means the freedom to make your own choices, to break free from patterns that hold you back, and to create the life you deserve.
Self-control and perseverance often go hand in hand. Want to know your level of perseverance? Take this test to find out: Patience Survey
