Psychologist reveals three reasons for pre-wedding ‘anxiety’

When it comes to one of the most important decisions in life, marriage, it is not uncommon to experience sudden doubts, fears, and hesitations. These moments of hesitation can turn your initial enthusiasm into unexpected anxiety. However, this can be a natural reaction to the big life change that marriage represents.

Marriage is a life-changing transition, combining lives, finances, and possibly families, so it’s natural to feel anxious and stressed. Accepting these feelings without judgment is the first step to dealing with them. It’s also important to understand the causes of these feelings before you decide to go ahead with the wedding or run away from it.

Here are three reasons why you might feel anxious before marriage and what you can do about it.

1. You’re doubting your relationship

Pre-marriage anxiety can stem from doubts about compatibility or the longevity of the relationship. Concerns about unresolved conflicts or differences in life goals and expectations for the future can cast a shadow of uncertainty over your decision.

Research Presentation Journal of Family Psychology They found that women who had doubts before marriage were more likely to divorce four years later, and for couples who stayed married, premarital doubts were associated with less marital satisfaction over time. The researchers concluded that such doubts, while common, are not necessarily harmless.

Sometimes losing your cool can be a sign that underlying issues in the relationship have not yet been fully resolved. Before marriage, you may be comparing your current relationship to past relationships or idealized partnerships. This can make you question whether your partner can truly meet your needs in the long term.

As the wedding day approaches, couples may find themselves thinking about compatibility in terms of values, goals, lifestyle preferences, and communication styles. Differences that may have been manageable or overlooked early in the relationship may feel more pronounced when considering staying together forever.

Research has shown that relationship uncertainty typically stems from uncertainty about children, communication, career issues, finances, health, responsibilities, relatives, sex, retirement, religious beliefs, leisure, and household chores. These are all legitimate concerns, and researchers suggest that such uncertainty can lead to questioning responsibilities and, if not addressed, can lead to a decline in the quality of a marriage.

In the height of premarital emotions, people may over-analyze their partner’s words, actions, and attitudes, looking for signs that will confirm or dispel their suspicions. This can exacerbate any ruminations or anxieties they may have about the relationship.

Overcoming these premarital fears requires introspection, open communication with your partner, and outside support from friends, family, and mental health professionals. Openly discussing your concerns can help you clarify your feelings and make decisions from a more emotionally grounded space.

It’s important to reflect on what your relationships have been like so far, whether your partner has demonstrated themselves consistently over time, and whether being with them truly aligns with your needs, core values, and how you want to be treated.

Remember who you are as a couple. The machinations of marriage and the often unsolicited opinions of others can cloud your judgement, so take time to reflect on the strengths of your relationship and why you decided to marry your partner in the first place.

Focusing on future goals and shared dreams can also help shift your focus from short-term worries to long-term happiness.

Additionally, premarital couples counseling also provides a structured environment for couples to discuss concerns, improve communication skills, and strengthen their bond before marriage.

2. You doubt yourself

Before deciding to get married, you may question your maturity, your emotional readiness, and your ability to handle the responsibilities and compromises that come with marriage, and you may wonder whether you have fully explored other options and experiences before “settling down.”

You, too, may be wondering whether you’d make a good partner. A survey released in March found that over the past decade, the percentage of young Americans who believe they would make a “very good” spouse has fallen. Marriage expectations are also falling.

To address these feelings, take some time to reflect on your personal growth and your ability to communicate effectively, manage your emotions, and handle conflict constructively. Engage in activities that increase your self-awareness and emotional intelligence, such as journaling or practicing mindfulness.

Recognize that being a good partner requires continuous learning and growth, and that you don’t have to get everything right — instead, practice self-awareness and commit to evolving over time.

Reflect on the intention behind your marriage and make sure it doesn’t come from a place of fear or societal pressure to be single, but rather from knowing what you can bring to the table as a partner and believing that marriage is the right decision for you.

3. They question the very concept of marriage.

When your personal values ​​and beliefs about marriage clash with societal norms or family expectations, you may feel anxious. It’s important to reflect on what marriage means to you and whether you and your partner are aligned on this understanding.

Marriage may not be the right choice for everyone, and it’s up to you to decide if it’s the right way to express your deep love for your partner, or if there’s a better way that suits both of you.

You may also worry about how marriage will change your daily life, relationships with family and friends, or career aspirations. As the reality of these changes looms, these fears can exacerbate premarital anxiety.

Past experiences, whether personal or witnessed, can shape your perception of marriage and make you question whether a relationship can truly be successful and long-lasting. For example, experiencing a divorce or a troubled relationship while growing up can intensify such doubts.

Recent statistics show that 43% of first marriages in the United States end in failure, but divorce rates have also dropped significantly since 2000. It’s understandable that you’re worried, but divorce isn’t inevitable, and the success of your marriage truly depends on the unique relationship you build with your partner.

It’s important to examine your feelings and talk about them, rather than avoiding them, and to seek support from others through this process. Addressing your concerns can help you pave the way to a more confident and fulfilling marriage.

Want to know how happy your relationship is? Take this quiz and find out: Relationship Satisfaction Scale